Bancul zilei

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1. de danone:
   
   "I was in a very generous mood today," a woman says to her friend. "I gave a poor beggar $25." "Thats a lot of money to give away," says her friend. "What did your husband say?" "He said, 'Thank you'. "_____________If two lawyers were drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you read the paper or go to lunch?______________ There are a lot of words you can use to describe men: strong, caring, loving. They'd be wrong, but you could still use them._______________ Some of the most tactful people on Earth are English. One office supervisor called a secretary in to give her the bad news that she was being fired. He started the conversation with: "Miss Symthe, I really don't know how we're going to get along without you, but starting Monday, we're going to try.________________ Boyfriend: Do you smoke after sex? Girlfriend: Dunno, I've never looked !________________I have this friend who has a real dilemma. His wife won't give him a divorce until she figures out a way of doing it without making him a happy man.________________ __How can you tell if an Irishman is present at a cock fight? He enters a duck. How can you tell if a Pole is present? He bets money on the duck. How can you tell if an Italian is present? The duck wins._______________ __The new hooker had just finished her first trick. When she came back down to the street, the seasoned veterans all gathered around to hear the details. She said, "Well, he was a big, muscular and handsome marine." "Well? What did he want to do?" they all asked. She said, "I told him that a straight lay was $100, but he said he did not have that much. So, I told him a blow job would be $75, but he did not have that much either. Finally I said, 'Well how much do you have?' The marine said he only had $25. So, I told him, 'For $25, all I can give you is a hand job.' He agreed and after getting the finances straight, he pulled it out. I put one hand on it. Then, I put the other hand above that one." She paused, raised her eyebrows, and then continues, "Then I put the first hand above the second hand..." "Oh my God!" they all exclaimed, "it must have been huge! Then what did you do?" "I loaned him $75!"______________ __After years with a psychiatrist, a man who thought he was a dog was declared cured.A friend asked him how he felt now. The former patient replied, "Fine! Just feel my nose."_____________ What's the difference between women and men? One has morning sickness, the other has morning stiffness.__________ __A bored woman says to her husband as she clasps her hands together, "Guess what I have in here and you'll get some loving tonite." The equally bored husband, wishing to avoid any kind of sex at all replies, "An elephant". The wife sez "That's close enough!"_________ The morning after their honeymoon night, Julie says to her husband, "you know, You're really a lousy lover!" Her husband replies, "How would you know after only 30 seconds?"
   2010-06-15, 03:10:51 (78.102.107.*)
2. de danone:
   
   Chanowski & his other Polak drinking buddy are sitting at a bar . " See those guys over there ? " Chanowski says." I'm going over there and ask them what they think of Polaks." Chanowki walks up to the two guys sitting at the other end of the bar and asks them what they think of Polaks. One of the men gives Chanowski the finger. The middle finger. Chanowski then walks back to his drinking buddy. " Well , what do they think of Polaks?" he asks. "We're still number one , " replies Chanowski.__________ __A blond at a party was telling her friend that she was off men for life. "They lie, they cheat and they're just no good. From now on when I want sex, I'm going to use my vibrator" "So, what when the batteries run out?" asked her friend "I'll just fake an orgasm like always."___________ For their 25th wedding anniversary, a man decides to take his wife on a trip to France. After two weeks touring France, they return to the airport for the trip back to America. While waiting for the plane, the wife turns to her husband and says, "This was the most wonderful gift I could have asked for on our 25th anniversary. I can't wait to hear what you have in mind for our 50th anniversary!" Her husband leaned over, kissed her on the cheek, and said, "I'm going to come back and get you"_____________Di d you hear about the man who was half Jewish & half Italian? He made himself an offer he couldn't understand._________ ___________cam atat .... enjoy :-)
   2010-06-15, 03:13:02 (78.102.107.*)
3. de bercu:
   
   Danone sa-mi executi o miscare de dute vino cu buzele tald asupra organului meu sexual intr-o engleza pura asa cum iti place tie. Spor la supt acadele de olteni.
   2010-06-15, 04:39:38 (94.246.127.*)
4. de Covalact si Lactido:
   
   Lasa-l ma ca nu se poate abtine saracul....snob ca toti snobii... asta e, cu asta defilam; nu ne ramane decat sa speram ca va mai posta si bancuri in romana, ca de obicei posteaza chestii interesante in romana. In engleza nu i le citesc pentru ca nu sunt de acord cu un asemenea comportament lipsit de respect. Snobu-i snob si in ziua de pasti...ir cand exagereaza in snobism devine nesimtit.
   2010-06-15, 05:26:24 (66.158.157.*)
5. de nikko:
   
   Campionatul mondial de furat: - Proba finala - care echipa fura cele mai multe electronice in 30 de min. dintr-o hala castiga. In finala au ajun echipele S.U.A , Franta si Romania. Intra echipa S.U.A.: dupa 30 de minute de abia se cunostea daca intrase cineva, toate la locul lor. Intra echipa Frantei: dupa 30 de minute se cunostea ceva, ceva ca au pradat hotii. Intra echipa Romaniei iar dupa 5 minute iese unul si intreaba : - Sefu, luam si prizele?
   2010-06-15, 06:59:04 (86.123.126.*)
6. de nikko:
   
   Reprezentantii mai multor natiuni se intalnesc intr-un restaurant. Toti au cerut cate un pahar de vin, dar cand au adus vinul, in fiecare pahar era o musca. Suedezul a cerut alt vin in acelasi pahar. Englezul - vin nou in pahar nou. Finlandezul a scos musca si a baut vinul. Rusul a baut vinul cu tot cu musca.. Chinezul a mancat musca, dar nu a baut vinul. Evreul a prins musca si a vandut-o chinezului. Romanul a baut trei sferturi de pahar si a cerut sa-i fie schimbat. Norvegian ul a prins musca si s-a dus la pescuit. Irlandezul a maruntit musca si i-a trimis paharul englezului. America nul a inceput proces impotriva restaurantutlui si a cerut 65 mil dolari daune morale. Scotianul a prins musca de gat si a zis: - Chiar acum sa scuipi tot ce ai baut!
   2010-06-15, 07:00:24 (86.123.126.*)
7. de nikko:
   
   Un hot intra noaptea Intr-o casa de oameni Instariti, plecati din oras. Aprinde lanterna, face un tur cu ea si vede un CD-player. Da sa-l ia, cand deodata se aude o voce ciudata: - "Iisus te vede!". Hotul stinge lanterna rapid si Ingheata. Dupa un timp vazand ca nu se mai aude nimic si ca nimeni nu misca, prinde curaj si aprinde din nou lanterna. Da sa scoata din priza o combina muzicala si vocea din nou: - "Iisus te vede!". Suparat, hotul scotoceste cu lanterna peste tot, pana da peste o colivie in care se afla un papagal. - "Tu vorbesti?" se rasteste hotul la papagal. - "Da," raspunde papagalul, "vroiam doar sa te previn" - "Si cine naiba esti tu?", intreaba hotul relaxat. - "Moise" - papagalul. - "Moise." rade hotul "Ce idiot poate sa puna nume unui papagal Moise?" - "Poate acelasi idiot care a pus nume unui rotweiller Iisus", raspunde papagalul.
   2010-06-15, 07:02:01 (86.123.126.*)
8. de nikko:
   
   Dupa decolarea unui avion intra un tip turbat in cabiana pilotilor: - "Din momentul asta, daca vreti sa scapati cu viata, faceti exact ce va spun eu. Deviati cursul si aterizati la Bagdad". -Incearca altadata, azi nu se poate; vine un raspuns plictisit de la un pilot. - Voi doi sunteti tampiti? Asta-i un pistol adevarat, cu gloante dum-dum! zice tipul si trage un glont in tavan. - Bine te credem, dar tot nu te putem ajuta azi. - Bre! Allah o sa va trimita in iad, nu pricepeti? Nu aveti familii care va asteapta acasa? intreba individul turbat de furie. - Avem si familii, dar tot nu mergem la Bagdad, raspunde celalalt pilot. Exasperat, cu pistolul indreptat spre piloti, arabul intreaba: - De ce nu vreti !!??!! - Mai e' unul in spate cu bomba, si ala vrea la Kabul...
   2010-06-15, 07:03:17 (86.123.126.*)
9. de nikko:
   
   Un barbat obisnuia sa cerseasca zilnic cu o palarie in mana langa gardul aceleiasi biserici.Dupa un an apare cu doua palarii. Un enorias se apropie de el si-l intreaba: - De ce tii in mana doua palarii? - Pai mi-a mers atat de bine incat m-am gandit sa-mi deschid a doua sucursala.
   2010-06-15, 07:11:05 (86.123.126.*)
10. de nikko:
    
    - Fi-fi-fiţi bun, u-u-unde se află ş-ş-şcoala de-de-de bîl-bîl-bîlbîiţ i? - La ce vă mai trebuie? Observ că vă bîlbîiţi foarte bine!
    2010-06-15, 07:14:38 (86.123.126.*)
11. de kalle:
    
    wellcome back danone!
    2010-06-15, 07:50:40 (195.33.116.*)
12. de jean:
    
    ptr Dana nr. 12 .....bravo mai danutzo " am ras cu lacrimi " de bancul tau pe care il stie toata lumea de la gradinitza . ai un simtz al umorului extrem de "dezvoltat " penibilooooooooooooo ooooooooo
    2010-06-15, 08:39:54 (86.124.221.*)
13. de A-lup:
    
    Un tip se duce la doctor cu un testicul albastru. Domnule e grav, trebuie scos! Dupa o saptamana se duce si cu celalalt, tot albastru. Domnule , e grav se pare ca se intinde, trebuie extirpat! Dupa alta saptamana vine si cu penisul albastru. Domnule, a grav de tot, se pare ca trebuie taiat, dar va trebui sa punem un tub de plastic pentru urinare. Dupa o saptamana, vine si cu tubul albastru. Domnule , se pare ca avem o problema, cred ca este albastreala de la blugi !
    2010-06-15, 10:24:39 (89.137.87.*)