Bancul zilei

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1. de danone:
   
   De fiecare dată înainte de Anul Nou soţia îmi arată pumnul şi spune: - Nu vei bea de Anul Nou! Nu vei bea!!! Dar eu zâmbesc şi mă gândesc: "Aproape 15 ani împreună, dar atâta optimism!"
   2010-03-09, 00:47:46 (213.220.236.*)
2. de danone:
   
   WARNING: material video nerecomandat cardiacilor: http ://www.220.ro/MSslBz IsEF/Nu-Rade
   2010-03-09, 01:13:47 (213.220.236.*)
3. de Craiovean:
   
   Am avut recent un vis...Nu stiu ce-am vazut la televizor..Si ca sa nu-l uit, nu m-am uitat pe fereastra, la lumina. Se facea ca eram la mine in sufragerie si priveam pe perete un film,in tot cazu',nu Avatar(atunci stiam si actorii, da acu' nu-mi mai amintesc) In fine, nu asta-i important...Cand,tar rrr soneria...Ma frate, sa ma treaca naduselile si transpiratiile toate...Deschisei io usa si-n fatza mea imi aparu dom' presedinte Base..Imbracat in tzinuta de parasutist cu trese, iar de casca atarnandu-i doua perechi de oua, prinse in niste saculetzi cu gaurele. Nu va spui ce culoare avea tzinuta, parca mozaic, ca visu' fu alb negru. In vis parea ca ma cunoaste,ca ne mai vazusem...Zic: " Traitzi dom' presedinte, urmeaza sa sarim? " " Da, colega(deci eram si io parasutist,inseamna) facem un test de dibacie aeriana si de aterizare la punct fix.Sarim la cadere libera si daca la aterizare avem ouale intregi(cele patru de la casca)ne avanseaza la gradul de instructori parasutisti cu doua perechi de oua".Auzi tu la dansu'... Cand mi-era mie lumea mai draga si voiam sa mai visez, m-am trezit...Tare as fi vrut sa aflu ce s-a intamplat cu ouale.. si daca m-au facut instructor...O fi de bine sau de rau visu' asta?
   2010-03-09, 11:09:10 (79.117.200.*)
4. de Craiovean:
   
   Azi,ca scrie-n calendare, Beu paspatru de pahare... Intai,tre sa socotesc, Cum naiba sa le golesc... Daca le trag cu a patra, Musai, mi se pune pata... De le beu pe indelete, S-ar putea sa scap de pete... La viteza-ntai e bine, Sorb fro zece,tot ramane... Hac,mai sunt treizeci si patru Ia sa bag viteza...patru... Veni pata,da' mi-e bine Sa vaz, vere,cat ma tzine.. Mai ramasara doar zece, Buna-i pata,sa nu plece... Hac,hac, hac,de trei ori hac, Simt in cap un baldabac... M-apuca dilimandria, Treci ma re.a.cu pe ..a-ntaia... ps/Dom Bachus,sfaturi primesc!
   2010-03-09, 12:23:44 (79.117.200.*)
5. de Craiovean:
   
   Dom' Bachus,imi zisa ca depasii cu patru...Hac!
   2010-03-09, 14:14:01 (79.117.200.*)
6. de pt craiovean!:
   
   culmea craiovene! si eu eram in acelas avion cu tine si base! mie mi-era frica sa sar...presimteam ca nu se deschide parasuta! si domnul presedinte se supara,daca nu saream...avansarea la gradul de instructor,nici gind!atunci tu ai venit cu o idee super! mi-ai zis,colega,nu te speria,fa-te mic si te bag eu in gura! ideea era buna...te-am intrebat ce va zice base,tu m-ai linistit zicind ca atunci cind v-om fi jos ,pe pamint,ma va vedea si va crede ca am sarit...mi-era asa teama,m-am facut mic ,am intrat in gura ta si stateam calm,sperind sa nu intrebe base de mine. cind erai gata sa sari,base fiind linga tine,te-a intrebat de mine,nevazindu-ma pe acolo...am incremenit si am facut pisu pe mine!
   2010-03-09, 17:44:53 (95.75.127.*)
7. de oltean:
   
   A Touching Hardware Store Story... Charlie was fixing a door and found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent his wife Mary to Home Depot. At Home Depot, Mary saw a beautiful bathroom faucet while she was waiting for Walt (the manager) to finish waiting on a customer. When Walt was finished, Mary asked, 'How much for that faucet?' Walt replied, 'That's pewter and it costs $300.00.’ 'My goodness that sure is a lot', Mary exclaimed.. Then she proceeded to describe the hinge that Charlie had sent her to buy and Walt went to the back room to find it.. From the back room Walt yelled, 'Mary, you wanna screw for that hinge?' Mary shouted back, 'No, but I will for the faucet.' This is why you can't send a woman to the hardware store.
   2010-03-09, 23:20:39 (192.35.79.*)
8. de oltean:
   
   The Best Smart Ass Answers of 2009!! SMART ASS ANSWER #6 It was mealtime during an airline flight.. 'Would you like dinner?', the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.. 'What are my choices?' John asked. 'Yes or no,' she replied. SMART ASS ANSWER #5 A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.' SMART ASS ANSWER #4 A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys get any bigger?' The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead.' SMART ASS ANSWER #3 The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said. The kid replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.' When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket. SMART ASS ANSWER #2 A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?' The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.' SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2009!! A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!' A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?' The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.' A BONUS EXTRA A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.
   2010-03-09, 23:24:31 (192.35.79.*)