Bancul zilei

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1. de danone:
   
   Genderized Nouns>>> For years, the Washington Post newspaper has featured the "Style Invitational", where readers were asked to submit entries in various clever contests. In this one, it was suggested that like other languages, what if English had Male and Female nouns? Readers were asked to assign a gender to a noun of their choice and explain their reasoning. The best submissions: Swis s Army Knife: Male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles. ### Kidne ys: Female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs. ### Tire: Male, because it goes bald and often is overinflated. ### Hot Air Balloon: Male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it... and, of course, there's the hot air part. ### Sponges: Female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water. ### Web Page: Female, because it is always getting hit on. #### Shoe: Male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out. ### Copier: Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up. Because it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed. Because it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed. ### Ziploc Bags: Male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them. ### Subway: Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up. ### Hourglass: Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom. ### Hammer : Male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around. ### Remote Control: Female...Ha! You thought I'd say male. But consider: it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.
   2009-12-15, 00:10:06 (62.24.90.*)
2. de danone:
   
   A guy is driving around the back of the old country and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking retriever sitting there. 'You talk?' he asks. 'Yep,' the dog replies. After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?' The dog looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.' 'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.' 'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.' The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog. 'Ten dollars,' the guy says. 'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?' 'Becaus e he's a liar. He never did any of that stuff.'
   2009-12-15, 00:14:28 (62.24.90.*)
3. de danone:
   
   I think my wife is selling drugs! Yesterday I was running a little bit late for work and the phone rang. I answered it. Before I could say anything a male voice on the line said "Hey, honey, is that DOPE gone yet?"
   2009-12-15, 00:30:59 (62.24.90.*)
4. de danone:
   
   Din categori curiozitati ce traiesc pe langa noi: ajolote - este o reptila descoperita in Mexic care are numai 2 picioare si traieste sub pamant http://uglyo verload.blogspot.com /2008/07/ajolotes-ar e-bipedal-kinda.html
   2009-12-15, 00:33:53 (62.24.90.*)
5. de danone:
   
   What is the difference between the government and the Mafia? One of them is organized.__________ Bulă soseşte în armată. La controlul de la poartă, subofiţerul de serviciu îi găseşte un geamantan plin de prezervative. - De ce ţi-ai adus atîtea prezervative, Bulă? - Am auzit eu că în armată e f#*are mare.______________M arie iese din casa si-l striga, cat o tinea gura, pe Ion care era pe celalalt munte la coasa: - Ioaaaaaaaneeee! Haaaai la masaaaaa! Intre timp trece un turist si vazand el asta ii zice Mariei: - Luati binoclul asta si uitati-va, poate nu-i Ion acolo. Maria ia binoclul se uita si zice (incet): - Ioane, hai la masa! _____________" The financial situation at the moment is so bad that women are now marrying for love "_________________- Ce zice un politist unui prezervativ? -????? ? -Acopera-ma ca intru!____________In tr' un bar din vestul salbatic, se desfasura o lupta intre pistolari. Au murit aproape toti, in afara de pianist. Acesta isi pusese o pancarda pe pian cu urmatoarea inscriptie: "Nu trageti in pianist!". Multe lupte s'au mai desfasurat pe acolo, dar mereu pianistul a trait sa cante si a doua zi. Dupa o vreme, cineva observa ca pianistul lipseste. Se duce la barman si'l intreaba: - Ce s'a intamplat cu pianistul? - A fost impuscat! - Cum asa? Doar scrie clar pe cartonul ala sa nu fie impuscat.. - A venit un mexican ce nu stia carte.______________ ____In America, unul suna la politie. Operatoarea: - Nine one one, cu ce va putem ajuta? - E adevarat ca motto'ul vostru este "Pentru a servi si a proteja?" - E adevarat! - Atunci vreau sa'mi aduceti o pizza cu ciuperci, family size, pe Baltimore Avenue 122 si vreau sa o protejati bine sa nu intre mustele in ea!________________a tat pentru azi ... enjoy
   2009-12-15, 00:45:22 (62.24.90.*)
6. de oltean:
   
   PROSTATE EXAMINATION A man goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the urologist for his yearly prostate check. When he gets there, he discovers the urologist is a very pretty female doctor. The female doctor says, "I'm going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to. I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say, '99' ". The guy obeys and says,"99". The doctor says, "Great". Now turn over on your left side and again, while I repeat the check, take a deep breath and say, '99' ". Again, the guy says, '99'." The doctor said, "Very good. Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly. I'm going to check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I'm going to hold on to your penis to keep it out of the way. Now take a deep breath and say, '99'." The guy begins, "One .. Two ... Three".
   2009-12-15, 17:31:54 (192.35.79.*)