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1. de ginardo:
   
   :))
   2009-08-17, 00:42:39 (92.80.254.*)
2. de danone:
   
   Mexico City has begun working on expanding its subway system. Apparentl y they're adding stops in San Diego and Los Angeles.__________A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees. "I don't want to know!" Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears. Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. "Oh Pop," Johnny sobbed, "for me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you're telling me now that grown ups don't really have sex, I've got nothing left to believe in!"___________The composition teacher asked the class to write about an unusual event that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up and read his essay. It began, "Daddy fell into the well last week..." "My goodness!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he all right?" "He must be," said the boy. "He stopped yelling for help yesterday."________ ____50 carti de citit intr-o viata [lista personala] - Publicat de Cristina V 1. Povestirea Cameristei - Margaret Atwood 2. Agonie si Extaz - Irving Stone 3. Mandrie si Prejudecata - Jane Austen 4. Enigma Otiliei - George Calinescu 5. Ion - Liviu Rebreanu 6. Ciuleandra - Liviu Rebreanu 7. Patul lui Procust - Camil Petrescu 8. Singur pe lume - Hector Mallot 9. Calatorie in centrul pamantului - Jules Verne 10. Vulcanul de aur - Jules Verne 11. Laleaua neagra - Alexandre Dumas Fiul 12. Papillon - Henri Charriere 13. Fratii Jderi - Mihail Sadoveanu 14. Frankestein - Mary Shelley 15. Eugenie Grandet - Honore de Balzac 16. Epopeea dragostei - Michel Zevaco 17. Germinal - Emile Zola 18. Noapte in Lisabona - Erich Maria Remarque 19. Apa pentru elefanti - Sara Gruen 20. Semnul lui Attila - Guido Cervo 21. La Medeleni - Ionel Teodoreanu 22. Morometii I & II - Marin Preda 23. Delirul - Marin Preda 24. Viata ca o prada - Marin Preda 25. Zece negri mititei - Agatha Christie 26. Cortul rosu - Anita Diamant 27. Albastru pur - Tracy Chevalier 28. Barba Albastra - Kurt Vonnegut 29. Cititorul - Bernhard Schlink 30. Dracula - Bram Stoker 31. Insula doctorului Moreau - H.G. Wells 32. Balzac si micuta croitoreasa chineza - Dai Sijie 33. Romanul adolescentului miop - Mircea Eliade 34. De veghe in lanul de secara - J.D.Salinger 35. Iguana - Alberto Vasquez-Figueroa 36 . Omul din castelul inalt - Philip K.Dick 37. REM - Mircea Cartarescu 38. Moll Flanders - Daniel Defoe 39. Robinson Crusoe - Daniel Defoe 40. Rosu si Negru - Stendhal 41. Parfumul - Patrick Suskind 42. La porte etroite [Usa ingusta] - Andre Gide 43. Manon des Sources - Marcel Pagnol 44. La gloire de mon pere - Marcel Pagnol 45. Marile sperante - Charles Dickens 46. Sotia calatorului in timp - Audrey Niffenegger 47. Tess d'Urberville - Thomas Hardy 48. Doamna si licornul - Tracy Chevalier 49. Suflete cenusii - Philippe Claudel 50. Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
   2009-08-17, 00:45:46 (62.245.78.*)
3. de danone:
   
   Copil de o luna care vorbeste: youtube . com/watch?v=RRIhmhfS l-s___________timsah . com/Adam-Agziyla-Git ar-Solosu-Atiyor/edV Q0SQSQP6____________ Doi studenti: - Din ce trăieşti? - Scriu. - Ce anume scrii? - Acasă, că-mi trebuie bani !__________youtube. com/watch?v=9dfWzp7r YR4___________Moment e de aur ale umorului romanesc: Toma Caragiu - Meciul Secolului youtube. com/watch?v=eFLvG5Xv lto___________Soluti i de criza in televiziune 220. ro/0Wcpm04bDM/Soluti i-De-Criza-In-Televi ziune_____________RE CLAMA !!!!!!!!!!! - Cum sa opresti caderea parului ca femeie - interzisa de CNA http://www.yo utube. com/watch?v=qX61wnAK Uho_______________ce le mai ciudate recorduri... Cel mai rapid inghititor de viermi – C. Manoharan din India a inghitit 200 de viermi in 30 de secunde. Manoharan vrea sa isi mai asume un record, acela de a-si introduce doi serpi pe o nara si a-i scoata pe gura. ### Cel mai mare numar de pepeni sparti cu capul - Australianul John Allwood a spart cu capul 40 de pepeni intr-un minut. ### Cel mai scump WC din lume – In anul 2001, Lam Sai-Wing, un bijutier din Honk Kong s-a gandit sa construiasca un W.C. din aur masiv. Piesa este evaluata la 3.5 miloane de dolari. Este o investitie paradoxala din moment ce esti dispus sa arunci banii la W.C. ### Cea mai ciudata dieta – Francezul Michel Lotito a mancat, intr-un an, 128 de biciclete, 15 carucioare de supermarket, 6 candelabre si 2 perechi de schiuri. ### Supra vietuitorul – Premiul pentru supravietuire a fost acordat americanului Roy C.Sullivan, un padurar care a fost lovit de fulger de 7 ori. A supravietuit miraculos avand doar cateva arsuri pe piept, i-au ars sprancenele si parul si a pierdut o unghie de la picior. A murit in 1993, dar nu din cauza traumelor. S-a sinucis din cauza unei deceptii in dragoste. ### Cele mai multe sarituri cu coarda pe sarma - La 1 iunie 1995, Walfer Guerrero (Columbia) a sarit de 1.250 de ori, neintrerupt, cu coarda pe o sarma aflata la 9,6 m inaltime, la un spectacol al circului Wereldcircus Carre (Olanda). ### Cel mai lung sarut - Un cuplu a reusit performanta sa isi tina buzele lipite pentru o perioada de 30 de ore si 45 de minute. Recordul a fost stabilit in aprilie 1999 la Tel Aviv. ### Cei mai multi serpi cu clopotei tinuti in gura – Jakie Bibby (SUA) a tinut in gura timp de 12,5 secunde si fara niciun ajutor, opt serpi cu clopotei vii, apucandu-i de coada. Recordul a fost stabilit la Guinness World Records Experience, in Florida, la 19 mai 2001.###Cel mai inalt om din lume – Unul din recordurile ce n-au mai fost depasite de la prima editie a cartii, aparuta in 1955, este al celui mai inalt om din lume, detinut de Robert Wadlow, care avea 2,71 metri. ### Cel mai respins barbat – Americanul Keith Redman a fost refuzat de 8.800 de femei, atunci cand le-a cerut, pe rand, in casatorie. ### Cea mai mare alaptare sincron – 3.541 de femei din Philiphine si-au alaptat simultan copiii la san.
   2009-08-17, 00:52:44 (62.245.78.*)
4. de danone:
   
   Cea mai lunga calatorie cu masina – Emil si Liliana Schmid, un cuplu din Elvetia, au plecat in anul 1984 intr-o calatorie in jurul lumii. Timp de 18 ani au folosit aceeasi masina, o Toyota Land Cruiser din 1982. Au trecut prin 131 de tari si au parcurs mai mult de 316.000 de kilometri. ### Cea mai mare greutate tinuta in echilibru pe cap – John Evans a tinut in echilibru pe cap 101 caramizi cantarind in total 189 de kilograme. A rezistat 10 secunde, indeajuns pentru a ajunge Cartea Recordurilor. Londonezul mai detine recorduri de acest tip, fiind singurul care a reusit sa tina in echilibru pe cap o masina. ### Cel mai mare dans al puiului – Pe 1 septembrie 1996, in localitatea Canfield County Fair din Statele Unite, brusc 72.000 de persoane au inceput sa danseze in acelasi timp un dans ciudat in care acestia imitau puii de gaina. Aici, dansul este traditional pentru nunti si alte petreceri. ### Cel mai rapid bautor de ketchup – Dustin Phillips din California a reusit sa bea o sticla cu ketchup in doar 33 de secunde. ### Cea mai mare greutate trasa cu pleoapele – Chinezul Dong Changsheng a tras o greutate de 1,5 tone cu pleoapele. ### Cel e mai multe despicari ale firului de par – Alfred West, din Marea Britanie, a reusit, de 8 ori, sa taie un fir de par omenesc in 18 parti, facand 17 sectiuni din acelasi punct. ### Cele mai multe mingi de baschet invartite simultan - La 25 mai 1999, pentru Guiness World Records, la Londra, Michael Kettman (SUA) a reusit sa invarta simultan 28 de mingi_________Reclam a ... cu cap :) youtube. com/watch?v=XIXkwAJa C1M________220. ro/IvtCmbcYEU/Ai-Tot -Dreptul-Sa-Fii-Un-M are-Idiot___________ Un ziarist american ii ia interviu unui batran texan, trecut de 80 de ani. La un momentdat reporterul: - Dle, stiti ca pentru prima data in istorie America are un presedinte negru? - Fugi dom’le de-aici….e imposibil… - Nu serios… - Hai dom’le lasa-ma in pace…traim in America si asa ceva e imposibil… - Uitati ziarele ce titluri au: New York Times - “Barack Obama - Primul presedinte de culoare de la Casa Alba”, Washington Post - ” Pentru prima data un cetatean de culoare ajunge presedinte” … - Extraordinar…e incredibil…tare mandru trebuie sa fie stapanul lui…___________1.b p.blogspot. com/_9sO8HXaYy28/Sn6 qLIEodvI/AAAAAAAAA5E /6Eyxrvk2X hM/s1600-h/numerical _sex_positions.png__ ________Patient: Doctor, is there anything worse than being old and bent? Doctor: Yes there is...being young and broke.________Doctor : Did you know that there are more than 1,000 bones in the human body? Larry: Shhh, doctor! There are three dogs outside in the waiting room!________Patient : Doctor, what I need is something to stir me up; something to put me in a fighting mood. Did you put something like that in this prescription? Doc tor: No need for that. You will find that in your bill.__________Bill: My wife beats me, doctor. Doctor: Oh dear. How often? Bill: Every time we play Scrabble!
   2009-08-17, 00:57:48 (62.245.78.*)
5. de danone:
   
   What is long, black, and smelly? - The unemployment line._________There are three types of sex in a marriage. The first one is Kitchen Sex. This is when you are newlyweds, and you're still having fun, so you do it anywhere, anytime - but mostly the kitchen. The second type is Bedroom Sex. This is when you have settled down a bit and probably have kids, so you can't do it anywhere except the bedroom. The third type of sex is Hallway Sex. This is when you pass each other in the hall and say, ''Screw you.'' But there's also a fourth kind called Courtroom Sex. This is when you are getting a divorce and you try to screw each other in public._____________ _Sheri, the pert and pretty nurse took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked. "Doctor, you must help me", she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date one of the young doctors here, I end up dating him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week." "I see", nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter". "No!" exclaimed the nurse. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward!"________ ____What do dolphins and men have in common? They say that they're intelligent but no one's been able to prove that._________72 Questions about the 72 virgins Copied from an ex-regimental list...... 1) What if the bomber wants girls with more experience? 2) What if one virgin is no good in bed? Does she get replaced or is he stuck with 71? 3) If he's gay, does he get male virgins? 4) What if he's celibate? What does he get? 5) What if he hasn't reached puberty yet? Does he get 72 Xboxes till he comes of age? 6) If he's bi, does he get 36 of each? 7) If he blows himself up while building the bomb, does he still get credit? 8) What do you call a relationship with 72 women, a menage-a-soixante-de ux? 9) Are they like 72 wives or 1 wife and 71 concubines? 10) What if he's ugly or smells bad and the virgins don't want anything to do with him? 11) Is there viagra in paradise? Ya know, just in case? 12) Is there an age of consent? 13) When they're deflowered, do they get replaced by new virgins or are they "born again"? 14) Do they become his common-law wives eventually? 15) If he has a tryst with a 73rd virgin, do the others consider it cheating? 16) Do the virgins have a union? If so, can they strike if they're not satisfied? 17) Is there a temp agency that replaces virgins if they call in sick? 18) What if the bomber's into animals? Does he get accommodated? 19) Why 72? Is 71 too few? Is 73 too many? 20) If it was a female bomber, how do the male virgins prove their virginity? 21) What happens when paradise runs out of virgins? 22) Can a bomber make reservations on specific virgins before he blows himself up? 23) If there are no virgins available, is he put on a waiting list? 24) If he's a catholic priest, does he get 72 little boys?
   2009-08-17, 01:00:59 (62.245.78.*)
6. de danone:
   
   25) Would you call a female bomber a bombshell? 26) Would you call a child bomber a bombino? 27) Is it not 73 out of respect for Barry Bond's home run record? 28) If the bomber previously dated one of the virgins, does it get awkward?29) Do they have a bomb squad in paradise just in case one of the charges didn't go off? 30) Did they start using female bombers because they ran out of virgins for the guys? 31) If she's a lesbian, do they "convert" the virgins, or will straight girls suffice her? 32) Does a hermaphrodite bomber get hermaphrodite virgins? 33) If so, are there 72 available? 34) If they run out of virgins, do they get inflatable dolls till they find more? 35) If a bomber finds an infidel in paradise, can he blow him up and get 72 more virgins? 36) Could the Koran have had a typo and it actually provided just one 72 year old virgin? 37) Is Muslim hell being one of the 72 virgins? 38) Instead of 72 guys, would a female bomber settle for 1 man who does dishes and garbage? 39) Do the bombers go broke on Valentine's Day? 40) If he's monogamous, does he pick one of the 72 or does he get a supermodel? 41) What if he doesn't like either gender? Does he just klutz around in paradise? 42) Eternity is long, and eventually he'll grow bored of his 72 women. What happens then? 43) How does he pick the 72 to begin with? Lottery? Beauty pageant? Police lineup? 44) Is he allowed to covet his neighbor's virgins? 45) Do the virgins have agents and/or contracts? 46) If so, can a virgin request to be traded or put on waivers if she's unhappy? 47) What should he say if one of the virgins asks "Does this Burka make me look fat?" 48) If he gives the wrong answer, is he uh, screwed? 49) How is anyone expected to handle a catfight amongst 72 women? 50) Did the 9/11 hijackers who didn't know they were going to die get 72 virgins too? 51) Are scouts employed to find virgin talent? 52) Do the virgins ever retire, or do they remain virgins forever? 53) If they retire, what kind of pension plan do they get? 54) Wouldn't it be interesting if they're virgins because they're ugly? 55) So is it 72 Muslim girls or like 1 virgin from every culture?56) Wouldn't it be sweet if Lorena Bobbit got hired as one of the virgins? 57) What does Gloria Steinem have to say about all this? 58) When he gets home, does he have to say "How was your day?" to all 72 virgins? 59) Do they have counseling for sexual addiction in paradise? 60) If the virgins start hogging the remote, is he in hell? 61) They must take up an entire theater when they go to the movies, huh? 62) Are there restaurants in paradise that can accommodate a reservation for 73? 63) If a virgin suffers from multiple personalities, is she considered two virgins? 64) Does he get all the virgins at once, or do they have an installment plan?65) Is the bomber entitled to subsitutes, exchanges, or refunds? 66) What if all the king's horses and all the king's men can't put the bomber together again?
   2009-08-17, 01:02:52 (62.245.78.*)
7. de danone:
   
   67) Is "not tonight, dear, I have a headache" a valid excuse in paradise? 68) Do the virgins come with a warranty? 69) If so, does paradise replace defective parts and provide on-site service? 70) What do you call a lifetime warranty if you're dead? 71) Do siamese twin bombers get 144 virgins? 72) Who gets to clean up all those nasty sheets?_____________ ___La circ, anunt ca se angajeaza dresor de lei. Se prezinta un tip si o tipa (foarte bine). Directorul: s-o lasam pe domnisoara intii... si, catre ingrijitor: baga ma leul ala abia primit din Bengal. Tinara se duce in arena, leul intra si el, ea nu-l slabeste o clipa din ochi si incepe sa se dezbrace. Goala pusca se aseaza in fund, desface picioarele, si, cu degetul aratator cheama leul catre ea. Acesta se apropie si incepe sa-i linga talpile. Tinara adreseaza leului citeva sunete necunoscute. Acesta incepe sa o linga pe picioare, din ce in ce mai sus, pina ce ajunge "acolo", unde se pune pe lins serios. In extaz, directorul circului il intreaba pe celalalt candidat: ia zi, tu poti sa faci asa ceva? Sigur ca da, numai scoateti dracului leul ala din arena!______________ __Leul cheama toate animalele si le spune: - Cei frumosi - in stanga, iar cei destepti - in dreapta. Toate animalele s-au despartit, numai maimuta a ramas pe loc. - Dar tu ce faci? - intreaba leul. - Eu ce vrei, sa ma rup in doua?____________Un tip vine la medic cu plangeri la insomnie. Examinand pacientul si negasind nimic serios, medicul spune: - O sa va treaca insomnia, dar cu o singura conditie. In primul rand, nu trebuie sa va culcati cu problemele d-stra. - Asta ar fi bine, doctore, dar problema e ca sotia refuza sa doarma singura...__________ __Zboara o blonda cu avionul. Si tot zborul priveste enervata in fereastra. Este intrebata: - Va este rau? - Nu, dar nu pot gasi liniutele... - ??? - Aaaaaa mi-am adus aminte..... meridianele! Eu ieri le-am vazut pe glob! M-am pregatit!__________- Asculta, Maria si-a cumparat un covor persan! - Ei si? - Pai acum ii pune pe toti sa-si scoata incaltamintea la intrare. - E si normal, covorul doar e persan. - Da, dar covorul sta pe perete.__________Isu s, vazand un tip absolut fara miscare, ii spune: - Ridica-te si mergi! Nici o reactie. Atunci Isus isi repeta cuvintele. Iarasi fara rezultat. Aici intra Sf. Ioan cu lista bolnavilor si spune: - Invatatorule, Te gresesti. - Ioane, asta e imposibil, Eu nu gresesc niciodata. - Stiu, dar acest om nu e paralizat, ci surd.______________N iciodata sa nu te temi sa faci ceea ce poti. Tine minte, "Arca lui Noe" a fost construita de un amator. Profesionistii au facut "Titanic"-ul.
   2009-08-17, 01:11:16 (62.245.78.*)
8. de danone:
   
   Un tanar merge prin poiana. Vazand o doamna mai in varsta, intreaba: - Bunico, spune-mi te rog, cum nimeresc de aici la spital? - Daca ma mai numesti o data "bunico", direct acolo ai sa nimeresti.__________ Un tip cu o "mica" vanataie la ochi merge obosit prin oras. - Aratati foarte rau, - se adreseaza un trecator. - Hai sa va duc acasa. - In nici un caz! De acolo vin.._________Gandur ile unui cetatean dupa ce s-au aflat rezultatele alegerilor: "Am votat, dar nu am ghicit nici un candidat...".______ ____O scrisoare din partea Parlamentului catre Presedinte: "Mult stimate Presedinte! Deputatii va ureaza o insanatosire cat mai grabnica". Iscalituri - "Pentru" - 230 de oameni, "contra" - 88, "s-au obtinut" - 34.____________Un tip vine la magazin sa cumpere un cadou de 8 martie. Vanzatoare il intreaba: - E pentru sotie sau doriti ceva mai scump?______________ __Why do Jewish Women go for circumcised men? Because they can't refuse anything with 10% off.____________Tata si cu fiica micuta merg cu masina. O cotitura la stanga. Campul de vedere din dreapta e limitat. Tata o roaga pe fiica sa vada daca nu sunt masini din dreapta. Fiica spune: "Masini nu sunt". Tata porneste... Fiica adauga: "Numai un autobus".__________ Ce sa fac? - Doctore, lucrez ca un cal, mananc ca un purcel, obosesc ca un caine, ce sa fac? - Nu stiu, nu sunt veterinar. Urmatorul!__________ _ Doctore, ce sa fac? - Doctore, mereu ma tem de ceva, fara un motiv oarecare. - Asistent! Purgative! Luati si o sa aveti motiv. Urmatorul!__________ Doctore, ce sa fac? - Doctore, am diaree permanenta, alerg la wc de 10 ori pe zi! - Asistent! Purgative! Acum nu veti alerga, o sa traiti acolo. Urmatorul!__________ _Un dialog de dimineata: - Scumpo, stii, cand ma barbieresc dimineata, ma simt cu zece ani mai tanar. - Dar nu ai putea sa ta barbieresti seara?_____________I n timpul sapaturilor intr-o localitate din India, a fost gasita o statueta a zeului Kettalmingio nducahteltimna celtalndi - zeul memoriei si vorbirii corecte.____________ __Intr-un restaurant: - Nemaiauzit! De ce cereti ca eu sa achit plata inainte de a lua masa? - Problema e ca d-stra ati comandat ciuperci..._________ ____- De ce ati fugit din inchisoare? - intreaba un politist pe un detinut. - Am vrut sa ma casatoresc. - Hm... Stranie inchipuire despre libertate.__________ __Eterna intrebare e femeilor: ce sa mai mananc ca sa slabesc?___________C omandantul in fata soldatilor: - Regimul pentru astazi - trebuie sa facem alergare 15km! Va conduce batalionul - soldatul Ion, ce se va afla in fata tuturor si veti alerga dupa el. Toti au inceput sa se bucure - soldatul Ion alearga cel mai incet. - O alta noutate este ca soldatul Ion va merge cu masina.
   2009-08-17, 01:23:43 (62.245.78.*)
9. de danone:
   
   The tired doctor was awakened by a phone call in the middle of the night. "Please, you have to come right over," pleaded the distraught young mother. "My child has swallowed a contraceptive." The physician dressed quickly, but before he could get out the door, the phone rang again. "You don't have to come over after all," the woman said with a sigh of relief. "My husband just found another one."_____________P atient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do? Dentist: Wear a brown tie...___________As I was nursing my baby, my cousin's six-year-old daughter, Krissy, came into the room. Never having seen anyone breast- feed before, she was intrigued and full of all kinds of questions about what I was doing. After mulling over my answers, she remarked, "My mom has some of those, but I don't think she knows how to use them."___________at at pentru azi ......... enjoy !!!!! :))
   2009-08-17, 01:31:00 (62.245.78.*)
10. de Aristotel:
    
    Bancuri bune ! Le-am copiat, le-am dus peste drum la muica Maritza, la taica Leonte si in general la toata mahalaua ! Le-am dus asa, direct in engleza si le-au placut foarte mult ! Mai publicati !!!
    2009-08-17, 09:36:58 (92.83.117.*)
11. de Cristi:
    
    Bravo Danone!
    2009-08-17, 13:15:09 (81.196.56.*)