Bancul zilei

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1. de danone:
   
   Yo momma is so ugly, on halloween, she had to trick-or-treat over the phone!________The top 12 signs the economy is bad 12. CEO’s are now playing miniature golf. 11. I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail. 10. I went to buy a toaster oven and they gave me a bank. 9. Hotwheels and Matchbox car companies are now trading higher than GM in the stock market. 8. Obama met with small businesses GE, Pfizer, Chrysler, Citigroup, and GM to discuss the Stimulus Package. 7. McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer. 6. People in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and are learning their children’s names. 5. The most highly-paid job is now jury duty. 4. People in Africa are donating money to Americans. Mothers in Ethiopia are telling their kids, “finish your plate; do you know how many kids are starving in America?” 3. Motel Six won’t leave the lights on. 2. The mafia is laying off judges. 1. If the bank returns your check marked as “insufficient funds,” you have to call them and ask if they meant you or them._________On the eve of the couple's tenth wedding anniversary, the still slim wife was bragging about her figure. "You know honey," she said, "I can still get into the skirts I had before we were married." "Yeah ?" the husband replied as he turned his attention back to the ball game on TV. "I wish to hell I could."___________ "Britney Spears" was the most-searched term of the year on Yahoo!, followed by "World Wrestling Federation," and in third place, "Barack Obama." I think the lesson here is that Americans are not responsible enough to be using computers.________A woman was driving down the highway about 75 miles an hour, when she noticed a motorcycle policeman following her. Instead of slowing down, she picked up speed. When she looked back again, their were two motorcycles following her. She shot up to 90 miles. The next time she looked around, there were three cops following her. Suddenly, she spotted a gas station looming ahead. She screeched to a stop and ran into the ladies’ room. Ten minutes later, she innocently walked out. The three cops were standing there waiting for her. Then, without batting an eye, she said coyly, “I’ll bet none of you thought I would make it.”_________What came first, the chicken or the egg? - I'd have to say it was the rooster!_________One day this old man was about to have sex with a young girl which he did not know. The old man began to put on his condom when the young girl asked him why is he putting one on. She said "you don't have to worry about getting me pregnant because you are too old and you don't have to worry about catching anything because you are going to die pretty soon anyway". The old man continued to put on his condom he then looked up at the girl and said, "young girl the reason I am putting on this condom isn't because I am afraid of getting you pregnant or catching anything. I just like the scent of burning rubber."
   2009-07-06, 00:38:23 (89.176.4.*)
2. de danone:
   
   The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1,000.00 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass,and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weightlifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it. One day this scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1,000.00, and asked the little man, "what do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weightlifter, or what?" The man replied, "I work for the IRS."____________Pe stisorul de aur , prins in undita: - Zi, ma, sa nu mai pierdem timpu': cati bani vrei, ce tara sa conduci si cati centimetri de scula ti-ar trebui! Tu-va muma-n c#r ca n-ati cere unu' o carte sau un bilet la teatru ...__________Intr-o dimineata iese taranul in grajd, si vede ca singura vaca a familiei si-dat duhul. - Valeleu, ce ma fac, din ce vom trai de acu' incolo? Asa de tare sa necajeste, de-si pune latu' la gât si se spânzura. Pesteun sfert de ora se scoala si nevasta. Iese la grajd si vede vaca moarta, sotul spânzurat... de necaz isi baga furca in burta. Se scoala si baiatul cel mare. Iese in grajd, vede vaca moarta, ta-su spânzurat, ma-sa cu furca-n burta... ce sa faca? Pleaca si cauta Zâna Padurii. - Auzi Zâno... nu se poate face sa nu fie intâmplate cele intâmplate? -Ba se poate, dar numai daca ma beeep de 5 ori. Se apuca baiatul cel mare, dar la al 4-lea numar face atac de cord. Nu trece mult timp, se trezeste baiatul cel din mijoc. Isi cauta parintii, fratele... Iese in grajd, vede vaca moarta, ta-su spânzurat, ma-sa cu furca-n burta... ... ce sa faca? Pleaca si cauta Zâna Padurii. In padure il vede pefra-su mort. - Auzi Zâno... nu se poate face sa nu fie intâmplate cele intâmplate? -Ba se poate, dar numai daca ma beeep de 10 ori. Se pune baiatul la treaba de la numarul 9 face o criza de asm si moare. Peste putin timp, se trezeste si mezinul familiei. Isi cauta parintii, fratii... Iese in grajd, vede vaca moarta, ta-su spânzurat, ma-sa cu furca-n burta...... ce sa faca? Pleaca si cauta Zâna Padurii. In padure il vede pe fratii sai morti. - Auzi Zâno... nu se poate face sa nu fie intâmplate cele intâmplate? -Ba se poate, dar numai daca ma beeep de 20 ori. - Dar daca te beeep de 25 de ori? - Si mai bine. - Dar de 30 ori? - Excelent, da drumul! - Dar vei rezista? - Sigur ca da. - Asa a crezut si vaca...
   2009-07-06, 00:42:07 (89.176.4.*)
3. de danone:
   
   Un om de afaceri incearca fara succes sa obtina achitarea notelor de plata de la un client. In cele din urma, ii trimite fotografia fetitei lui, sub care scrie: "Acesta este motivul pentru care am urgenta nevoie de bani!" Drept raspuns, primeste fotografia unei blonde voluptoase, sub care era scris: " Acesta este motivul pentru care nu pot plati"._________Un cuplu casatorit are un accident in urma caruia femeia se alege cu o parte din fata arsa. Doctorul ii spune sotului ca nu poate lua piele de pe corpul ei, pentru ca este prea slabita. Prin urmare, sotul se ofera sa doneze piele de la el. Dar singura parte a corpului pe care doctorul o considera adecvata este fundul. Dupa operatie, toata lumea se mira cat de frumoasa era femeia si cat de tanara arata. Intr-o zi, sotia se emotioneaza si-i spune sotului: - Dragul meu, vreau sa-ti multumesc pentru tot ce ai facut pentru mine. Nu stiu cum as putea sa ma revansez vreodata. - Iubito, raspunde el, nu te mai gandi la asta. Sunt supermulumit cand o vad pe soacra-mea ca te saruta pe obraz.___________Ion si Maria în noaptea nuntii. Maria statea în pat, într-o tinuta sexy, si îl astepta pe Ion, care se uita pe fereastra. Asteapta ea o jumatate de ora, dupa care îi spune: - Hai, ma Ioane, ce faci acolo? - Stai, fa, ca vin acu! Înca o jumate de ora si Maria zice: - Hai, ma Ioane, ca te astept! Sunt numai a ta! Ia-ma! - Ho, fa, ca vin acu, ce te grabesti asa? Peste înca o jumate de ora, Maria se duce la Ion, suparata: - Hai, ma, ce naiba faci acolo? Ion, îngandurat, uitandu-se în continuare pe fereastra, spune: - Fa, avea dreptate tata ca-i frumoasa noaptea nuntii..._________O blonda la doctor . - Unde va... inteapa domnisoara ? - In masina , dar a spus ca-si ia apartament !__________Intr-o zi seful politiei le zice ca trebuie sa fiti ageri ca niste caini atat in timpul serviciului cat si dupa.Nevasta unui politist suna pe prietena sa care are sotul tot politist:Auzi da ce io fi zis seful sotului meu ca de cateva zile cand vreau sa vorbesc cu el maraie la mine si latra.Al tau e bine raspunde prietena, al meu de cateva zile sta sub masa si se linge pe p..!__________Doctor ul: - Arătaţi foarte bine,ati urmat reţeta pe care v-am prescris-o. -Nu am urmat-o că aş fi dat ortul popii.. -Cum aşa? -Nevastă-mea a aruncat-o de la et 8.__________A man explained inflation to his wife thus: 'When we married, you measured 36-24-36. Now you're 42-42-42. There's more of you, but you are not worth as much.' ________T-Shirts : SL_T All I need is U###All livers are evil and must be pusnished ### 667 The neighboure of the beast ### 777 Worse then the Devil himself ### CHAOS + PANIC + DISORDER my work here is done ### Beer, the only carbs I need ### YES ! I'M A BITCH, JUST NOT YOURS ! ### 03687 DAYS since the last time I gave a shit ### If I throw a stick, will you leave?###You're dark and handsome. When it's dark, you're handsom.
   2009-07-06, 00:55:14 (89.176.4.*)
4. de kalle anka:
   
   misto ala cu pestisoru, multzam fain... duminica trec prin praga, o sa claxonez de doo ori pt matale:))
   2009-07-06, 08:14:54 (212.214.120.*)
5. de BANCUL ZILEI:
   
   tzarusilor, bancul e copiat de pe un post anterior al unui cititor. sunteti slabi si lipsiti de imaginatie.
   2009-07-06, 08:19:57 (193.230.156.*)
6. de BANCUL ZILEI 2:
   
   Nu e problema ca e copiat, ca mai toate se copiaz candva,dar faza este ca ei copiaza doar bancurile proaste ; nu am vazut unul bun.
   2009-07-06, 10:09:09 (79.117.192.*)
7. de danone:
   
   @kalle anka: =))))))))))) sfatul meu e sa nu o faci .. caci e interzis claxonatul in oras .. si amenda-i destul de mare :))))) ... iar nenea politaii de aici nici nu prea vorbesc engleza si nici sensibili la spaga nu sunt :))))))) :)))))
   2009-07-06, 10:22:30 (195.28.224.*)
8. de kalle anka:
   
   nu-i bai cu amenda, vorbesc cu pestishoru'! :)))
   2009-07-06, 10:49:31 (212.214.120.*)
9. de danone:
   
   @kalle anka: nu ai cumva din intamplare 2 pestisori ?? :)))
   2009-07-06, 11:20:41 (195.78.53.*)
10. de kalle anka:
    
    de ce, vrei si tu un belet la teatru? ::)
    2009-07-06, 11:50:44 (212.214.120.*)
11. de danone:
    
    @ kalle anka: :)))))))) despre care va sa zica teatru vorbesti toi ? :)) ... la ala din Craiova am relatii .. si pot face rost de invitatii :)) ...oops am spus asta pe post ? :)) ... regia, taiati va rog la montaj :))))))))))
    2009-07-06, 13:22:05 (195.78.53.*)
12. de coconut:
    
    se pare ca stii engleza... de ce te deranjeaza? probleme de personalitate? lool!
    2009-07-06, 18:02:46 (193.148.0.*)
13. de danone:
    
    @ coconut: fie vorba intre noi...mie nu mi se pare ca stie engleza :)))) =)))) @angry bull: sa nu-ti plezneasca vreo vena :)) ... ce fantezii ai si tu :))))))))))) ... te cam ocolesc fetele din cate-mi dau eu seama :))) ...nu-i de mirare .. cand cei 7 ani iti lipsesc cu desavarsire ... si frustrarea iti erupe mai ceva ca o acnee :))))))
    2009-07-06, 18:36:29 (195.78.53.*)
14. de kkmk:
    
    si marmota invelea ciocolata....ce comentarii...
    2009-07-06, 23:37:12 (79.117.159.*)